Warthogs!!!
(it's an older picture from Tsavo West, but still fun)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Butterflies Aren't Always Beautiful
I don’t know if I’m just becoming more and more like my Dad, or if I’m becoming more aware of myself as time goes on. Likely it’s a bit of both. In the past year I’ve realized just how introverted I am. This isn’t to say that I don’t interact with others, I’m just selective about how many and which people I interact with; when I venture outside of that – which I do sometimes – it just happens to be painful. Some may call it snobbish, but I maintain that the difference isn’t in choice, the difference is in level of comfort.
This tendency is only amplified when moving to a country in which I’m always different, and then of all things selecting a town where I’m nye on famous because I’m so widely recognized by the local citizenry. I should probably stop here to explain that this isn’t a complaint. I’m not bemoaning the attention that I get, or the situation that I’m in. I love it here and I’m very happy, but I’m also coming to terms with the forces that exist within me. It’s possible that it’s not the interaction with others that I find painful. I think that it might actually be the anticipation of interacting with others.
My mother used to talk about my father with such wonder. He never wanted to go out and do anything, but whenever he begrudgingly went out and got involved he always had a good time. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. – another side note, I’m sure that right now as my parents read this they’re both denying it, and my dad is at least on some level suddenly concerned for me. Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying that it’s my experience, and even if I misunderstood all of what they say (which I doubt), I still identified with it. I love hanging out with friends. I really enjoy seeing people that I haven’t seen for a long time, sharing stories, and taking the time to catch up … once I’ve already started. However, the days or hours leading up to it are usually filled with doubt, conjuring of possible escape plans, and peripheral emotions that add anxiety to what should be pure excitement.
Now, take that tendency and change it to a new context. I truly enjoy being abroad and learning new languages, instigating bizarre exchanges of culture, and making friends all around the world. I have a few friends here in Voi, and I like nothing more than to sit around, chat, drink a beer or make some tasty food. However, on a daily basis, I have to face the world. I have to engage in simple tasks like grocery shopping, interacting with the housekeeper of the place where I live, and chat with school children who are extraordinarily excited to use their English with the foreigner. Today I stuttered. I managed to laugh it off, and have a conversation with the check-out lady in the market, but for 3 horrendous seconds I froze, staring at her, knowing what the answer to her question was, and even knowing it in Swahili, but there was no movement, no speech, no force on earth that could have moved me during those three seconds.
Oh well. Nothing else on my list of errands was truly vital. You’ll have to excuse the late posting of this email though … purchasing more airtime for my modem was on the list after the grocery store, and that had to wait for another day.
Today I learned:
Today I learned ....
... that I'm the most predictable unpredictable cat around.
... that I have more seniority in the hospital than one of the other doctors I've been working with. Sweet!
... Gunshots of unknown origin or trajectory scared the crap out of me.
... the word for a fear of the number 13 ... but I forgot it again
... that Cadbury Top Deck chocolate is good, but Whole nut is better (let the jokes commence!)
... perhaps re-learned how very much I love the 4th of July.
... how to use my stethescope properly. I'm such a dork.
... that the Barclays' loan advertisement is a total rip off of the Old Spice man comercials. Hillarious, and the UK is fallin' down on their copyright enforcement job.
... that Kenyan funerals are generally on Saturday.
... that I'm the most predictable unpredictable cat around.
... that I have more seniority in the hospital than one of the other doctors I've been working with. Sweet!
... Gunshots of unknown origin or trajectory scared the crap out of me.
... the word for a fear of the number 13 ... but I forgot it again
... that Cadbury Top Deck chocolate is good, but Whole nut is better (let the jokes commence!)
... perhaps re-learned how very much I love the 4th of July.
... how to use my stethescope properly. I'm such a dork.
... that the Barclays' loan advertisement is a total rip off of the Old Spice man comercials. Hillarious, and the UK is fallin' down on their copyright enforcement job.
... that Kenyan funerals are generally on Saturday.